Monthly Archives: January 2013

There’s This and the Journals of Sylvia Plath. That is All.

So here
is your face
like coming home
to someone you’ve not seen
and forgotten
how they look –
but in a second upon seeing them
you recall everything, every
crease,every aspect,
every gesture.

This night, the moon outside
your window ignites
our universe. This room
for me, becomes the world. From your
bed I watch the smog smudge
the trees, muffle
the passing train’s
occasional rumble
and horn, blot
any time
before you. I sleep well
here, dream of you
and wake to you
like a dream in the blue –
black beside me.
I watch you stir some
in your own sleep
and wonder
if maybe
you dream of me.

In my mind’s eye, you
are smiling boy and man,
and then I, too,
am a girl again.
Two steps above you, I circle
myself around you. I braid myself
into you. I am
covering
and covered
by you.
I carry you with me
when I leave you,
radiate you, bleed you. When I pass,
winter flowers long buried bloom.
I raise my face to the sun
for the first time in years.
My heart rages in my chest.
I am beautiful.

 


The Devil You Know, Or The Devil You Don’t Know

Our blooming dead
scratch free from winter
ground, through a topsoil of candy wrappers
faded from the elements, soda cans,
rotting apples, leaves
like soggy cereal, and pebbles placed
just so – as if a convenience just for
cigaratte disposal.
Brittle, dirty nails brush aside
the flaky crust
of frost, countless years
of bickering spouses, sorrow
diluted with the tears of strangling grief,
and the struggle
to begin again
and again.

Our New Grief,
made fool by Prozac,
and Wellbutrin.

Our New Grief, wrapped
in the pink tissue paper
of Xanax.

Graciously, we’ve softened
the camera lens
on grief.

Death, you are nothing
if not fair.
Great Equalizer, you take them all.
Equal Opportunist, Politically
Correct, you collect
regardless of race, class,
gender, sexual orientation,
religion. You will not be bribed or bought,
refuse advances, blow jobs offered
in backs of cars, you cannot
sell your soul to the devil. You won’t
resign, call in well, take a holiday,
a sick day off. Who would you spend it with?
It’s a lonely time, your only friends,
the abandoned, starved, defeated,
resigned.

Our dead are in bloom, I’ve seen
them, squishing upward through summer
soil, keeping company with worms
and fruit flies. You can hear them
fucking, they are fertile, multiplying
voraciously, climbing up
on time, sister on brother, father
on mother, hip bone on jaw bone
on femur. We know the song
by heart. Born to die and they
love us so much, our pulses lulling, promising,
throbbing rhythmically. The living
are so sexy, familiar
current ceasing compression
relenting ricochet –
finally!
we throw off all that weight!
escaped
through some tiny godsend – a timely crack
in the coconut shell
of the human body.


I Can’t Not Watch

She could have been
me, plain, a white sheet
beating its wings against
the sun and breeze
hollowed egg shell smiling
fiercely at the day.
But then

love is content
in the calm of night,
the wispy quiet of stars and air
grown less swollen
by the absence the sun.
And to

watch him
across
the thickly varnished
table in the bar’s dim
light, the rain waiting
like a heater left on seventy
when someone forgot to close
the door. Here shadows dull
his kindness
and soften his face,
the patient persistance
stands behind
a cold feigned
or perhaps

not feigned.
I reel myself back, pin
my brain to my sleeve,
force my mind from
back bent
and weeping, or thighs
spread just so,
straining threads
of denim, hand
on gearshift,
cologne, expensive
shoes,expensive
jeans.
I take

action snapshots,
catalogue them
quickly into files, flip
the pages cartoonishly –
photograph.
face.
message.
reality.
humanity.
You can feel them.
They are

real. Love them
later, I
think. It is possible
through presence, a hand
as an afterthought,
stories before
you, those are memories, finger
creases, gapped, square,
or sharp
teeth. the rash
from peppered beard left
on a cheek, a two handed
animated
gesture, an opened
door, free-form worry,
encouragement,
reluctant
fumbled confessional
of compliment.
For you

I would shake her
hard, make sure
she knew.

You can

fall in love
if you can
keep yourself
here.
She can
love you for real
If she
can be present

and not
give in
to repulsion
when
the inevitable
repulsion
comes.