Manifred’s sideburns were horribly ungroomed. So his wife, Horisha, decided to make her sideburns look just like his. After an unsuccessful trip to the pharmacy, she purchased a gun instead. Manifred found the gun, and seeing that it wasn’t loaded… decided to load it. At least there’s one gun around here that won’t be firing blanks, you impotent fuck,’ snorted Horisha while exhaling smoke from the cigarette that was now nothing more than a butt. Manifred unzipped his fly and took out an erection he’d been saving for the girl next door. Grasping the gun in one hand and his cock in the other, he looked out the bedroom window through the darkness to the house next door. “Bukowski”, he whispered. Slowly, but with determination, he turned the gun on Horisha, flaccid cock still in hand. There was a blinding flash of light in the sky, and the clouds roared angrily in the distance. “Bukowski”, he whispered again. And as the name escaped his lips, the sky parted. There in the blue sky was a giant Zeppelin with a banner hanging from its belly. Behind him was God smiling a toothless smile. And behind that was God’s ass parting in the parted sky. Unable to fathom all this without losing his mind, Manifred closed the curtains on the window, turned, and shot Horisha in the stomach all the while never letting go of his limp dick. And he noticed how much stronger and hornier he was than a female corpse whose power, estrogen, pools under her. God’s ass was a wondrous thing, all shit flecked, and full of hemorrhoids. Someone fell out of it. Just then, there was a knock at the door. There was another knock at the door, this time louder and accompanied by a woman shrieking ‘Jesuuuuuuuus’ in a pained manner. Manifred opened the door and discovered his mother standing on the other side. holding a dead baby. She stood still in her blood stained clothes, with an over-grown mustache and disheveled hair. Manifred stared at the baby and realized he was looking at his father. It was then that he recalled the sheet of acid he had licked approximately two and a half hours earlier. His mother melted into the carpet leaving the baby to roll around in her sticky residue. Manifred clutched a hand to his throat. And peed his pants. And at that moment, the sun went out and the world came to an end.
August 4, 2009