Tag Archives: all the things you wish for most are the things you’ll never get

The Most Dangerous Thought You Never Ever Allow Yourself to Think

She sleeps beside me
on the couch as I sit
working at things
in which I have trouble
finding worth
while her brothers
and their friends stomp
the house. They’re laughing
as she pouts and pulls
her ‘beatsie’, a pink
blanket, closer to
her chin. I smooth
her soft curls
until she falls asleep.
I know.
I know.
I know.
There is laundry
and dishes, toys
to be tidied, toilets
to clean. I should do all this
in a sprint while she sleeps.
I know these things.
It’s a knowledge
that, over eleven years,
has become a scar in my brain.

I want to give up.

Today. I want to be saved
by someone stronger
than me.