No, But This One’s Different

It’s like when you stub your toe
and you know the pain is coming
but it takes a minute
for it to really hit.

It arrives
while I’m walking the kids
to the bus
and for now
I zip
it up, bite my lip
for the sake
of the children.

‘Mommy it’s cold’,
she says.
I smile
and nod my head
but I don’t feel it.

Back home
I make breakfast
for the babies,
serve It to them,
then quietly shut the bathroom door
and let it go
in long
shuddering
sobs for my
stupidity.

Stupidity
for believing
the things he said.

Stupidity for
believing in him.